Overcoming contempt

 


Today I #GiveThanks for those who share wisdom and common sense in ways that can truly make a difference. An example: I recently read a fascinating book, "Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt" by Arthur C. Brooks. I wish every American would read and ponder this book - HIGHLY recommended.
You might assume the book has a Christian theme, since the phrase "Love your enemies" is attributed to Jesus. But it's not a Christian book. It's a common-sense book. It's about politics, about friendship, about relationships, about social media, about the time we live in.
Sadly, what Brooks describes as "the culture of contempt" has become far too prevalent in public discourse in our time. This attitude would try to convince us that anyone who disagrees with us is not just different or wrong, but is worthless, unintelligent, defective, even evil. We see that in our national political discourse; but I've seen it expressed in much smaller contexts - in social media, in religious discussions, in sports events, etc. I have seen it to various degrees in my own social media contacts, and perhaps I have occasionally expressed it in some degree myself. Those who engage in this culture think they gain power by mocking, shaming, humiliating, and belittling.
This book explores the impacts and the profound danger of that kind of thinking, and presents suggestions on how to avoid getting dragged into it. Some thought-provoking points that stuck with me:
- it's important to have differences! Having someone with a different approach or different solution helps to ensure that we think carefully about our own ideas and clarify, refine, or improve them. Two or more political parties are much better than a single one!
- contempt is rarely, if ever, justified, even if you truly believe someone deserves it. Many times it is an emotional response and you eventually discover that it is NOT justified by the facts. But it will always harm YOU in feeling or expressing it, and will NEVER convince anyone to change their position.
- seek common ground. You will almost always find underlying shared values or motivation, but with different feelings or ideas about how to obtain the goal. You can still be friends and respect one another while you work in your separate approaches towards the goal.
- wise people make efforts to have encounters with people whose ideas or opinions differ from theirs. Seek out those people, those siutations, those environments - and broaden your horizons.
- learn to listen respectfully to the ideas of the "opposition," trying to understand their reasoning and motivation. Most of us are busy preparing rebuttals instead of sincerely listening.
- try occasionally to explain what your opponent's approach to a challenge is. You will likely find that you don't understand it very well.
- The 'five-to-one rule' - offer five positive comments for every criticism.
For an interesting insight into Brooks' ideas, including an anecdote he shares in the book about his feelings regarding BYU and the LDS Church, see this transcript of a commencement speech he gave at the university in April 2019:

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