Familiarity and contentment

There's an old adage that says, "Familiarity breeds contempt." The idea is that as you get to know a person or place or situation in detail, you see its flaws and failures and lose respect for it, even come to disdain it.

While that is true in some cases, there is an alternate thought that also has validity: "Familiarity breeds contentment." As we come to know a person or place or situation in detail, we understand its strengths and virtues, we feel its good influence in our own life, and we grow in peace and respect. We learn to overlook shortcomings or disadvantages, focusing instead on the strengths and benefits.

In my childhood, my family went to the Grand Tetons each summer for a week of camping, hiking, and sharing time with cousins. Every year, to the same National Park, to the same campground. We developed a lot of familiarity with the setting and the activities. I never felt contempt or even boredom at the thought of another Tetons vacation! One explanation is that I was growing and changing each year, so in at least one sense, the experience was different for me each year because I perceived it differently as I matured. Familiarity enhanced enjoyment.

So what about familiarity, in our relationships and experiences of life? Is there great adventure and enjoyment in visiting a new country, climbing a new mountain, meeting a new friend, reading a new book, seeing new movie? Absolutely. But does that mean I can't also find great pleasure in the familiar places, the frequently-hiked trails, the old friends, and favorite books, and the old classic movies? Again, absolutely.

When we become accustomed to something, it can become easy to overlook the more familiar positive aspects and discover negative aspects not noticed before. I think about this sometimes as I hike on very familiar trails. "Been there, done that." However, it's also possible to see beyond the initial impressions of familiar things and explore at a deeper level, and find additional positive things not noticed before. I often see that even on trails I've hiked scores of times.

This principle may apply especially to our relationships with others. The words "familiarity" and "family" have a similar origin; our family members are the people we're most familiar with. Perhaps during times of isolation and quarantine, many have reached a new level of "familiarity."

The key to happiness in the midst of familiarity is to continue noticing the things we love about the familiar, to remember to be patient with and overlook the negative things, and to seek for new treasures in relationships we might not have seen before.

I #GiveThanks for the blessings that come with familiarity, and the power to choose contentment over contempt.

Jenny Lake, nestled at the foot of the Grand Tetons