Eye contact

 

There's an aspect of communication that I've been thinking about recently - the importance of eye-to-eye contact. It's a somewhat subtle form of showing interest and commitment to a conversation; it demonstrates focus and paying attention. It can also signal strength, honesty, respect, concern, or sincerity. Avoiding eye contact can be a sign of deceit, dishonesty, lack of confidence, or submission.

Note the word "can" used several times in the above paragraph. We should be cautious about making judgements too quickly; some people struggle with eye contact for a variety of other reasons. But in general, my experience has been that eye contact can significantly enhance communication; it's one of the forms of "body language" that can help us gain information as we try to interchange thoughts and ideas. An old statement, sometimes attributed to Shakespeare, Cicero, or the Bible, says "the eyes are the window to the soul." Certainly we can learn a lot, or feel a lot, by watching the eyes of a partner in conversation.

Here's a related aspect: I enjoy singing in choirs, and have been led by all kinds of directors, ranging from "amateurs" with little experience or training asked to help in a Church setting, to skilled musical professionals. I've noticed how different it feels when a director looks at his or her choir a good portion of the time, compared to trying to carefully follow the score. It's so much more fun, so much easier, to respond to a director when I can see the eyes and they can see mine - when we have that additional level of communication if only for an instant!

I remember reading years ago that the well-known LDS composer and conductor Crawford Gates, during an era when he was working with orchestras, had memorized something like 200 complete orchestral scores (symphonies, concertos, etc.) - that means all the parts for all the instruments - so that he could maintain eye contact throughout and have the complete confidence of his musicians. That must have been remarkable to experience.

In today's world, sometimes we carry on conversations with a family member, co-worker, or other contact while we are staring at or manipulating our "smart phone" or a computer screen or television. That conveys more than we sometimes recognize, in a negative way. Those close to us deserve more of our focus; our relationships will benefit as we show the common courtesy of complete and undiluted attention.

I #GiveThanks for the precious windows into souls and for the chance to use them in our interactions with each other.